Someone, somewhere, decided that the mere existence of a Black man or a woman protagonist instantly qualifies a game as “woke trash.” Even better, toss any hint of LGBTQ+ content in the mix, and certain corners of Twitter (or X, to keep up with the times) spontaneously combust. So, it’s not surprising that Assassin’s Creed Shadows, starring a historical black “samurai” or whatever alongside a female Japanese assassin, has become the latest target for folks who love chanting “woke” like a broken record.

Just look at how they raved about Assassin’s Creed Odyssey before it dropped. Kassandra — gasp — a female protagonist? The calls of “pandering!” echoed across the digital landscape, but y’know, no one died as a result, etc., etc.

Surprise, the game still sold.

Now with Shadows, the outcry has escalated to toddler tantrum levels: “A black man in Feudal Japan? That’s so fake!” Right, because fighting dragons was the height of historical realism.

Kinda off topic: Remember Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet? It showed a slick trailer, better than half the big budget reveals we see each year, but it got downvoted and mocked to the underworld. The main character dared to be a black woman with a shaved head in a planet full of monsters and shit. And we all know what that means — yep, “woke nonsense!” What’s the common thing here again? Melanin and estrogen. The pattern is pretty clear.

Bayek vs. Shadows: “No One Cared That Bayek Was Black (Brown?)”

Strangely, the same crowd that flips out about Shadows didn’t give a shit about Bayek from Assassin’s Creed Origins. He’s a brown character, so why did the “anti-woke warriors” let that slide? Well, less melanin than Yasuke and ethnically Egyptian I guess? Oh, and he had a penis (no estrogen cooties to fear), or maybe they just didn’t notice, as this antiwoke bullshit arose with Trump’s second attempt at spreading fascism and neo-nazism.

Either way, Bayek’s (a completely fictional character) introduction generated zero blowback linked to his identity, which stands in stark contrast to the shrieking we’re seeing for Shadows.

The big difference now is that Shadows has both a Black man and a woman, effectively doubling the fury. Some individuals can’t handle one “diverse” lead (*cough* Odyssey), let alone two. They cloak their intolerance behind buzz words like “DEI,” as if that’s a real argument.

The Thin Premise of “Woke”

We keep hearing that “woke is destroying gaming,” but break down that word, and you’ll discover it’s used to bash anything featuring *insert thing a white male fundie doesn’t like*, hoping to divert attention from the real motive: Their own bigotry. Anyone who whines about “too much representation” is really just saying they prefer not seeing certain people at all.

It’s borderline comical: “I’m not racist or sexist — but, yeah, woke shit, etc.” Meanwhile, every complaint about Shadows somehow zeroes in on the black samurai and the female ninja. The rest of the game? Hardly a mention. Although they have come up with ridiculous criticisms, such as watermelons being sold in the wrong season (as if watermelons ceased to exist in different seasons) to mask their bigotry.

They’ll cry “historical accuracy!” (When referring to Shadows) conveniently ignoring the fact that every single Assassin’s Creed game is a work of fiction, with a pretty big disclaimer in every game. Oh and they’re fine with a franchise that once let you battle the Pope in a secret vault, as well as an actual oh-so-real dragon.

Gaming Will Move On — They’ll Cry, Cope, and Rage Some More

In the end, Assassin’s Creed Shadows has launched, these kids will get over the meltdown, and move on to shitting on another game. Imagine spending your waking hours shitting on games you won’t even play. Your life must be lonely and miserable. The anti-woke kids will stay mad, but the rest of the world has more games too play and the industry will continue to evolve. If you want to gripe that melanin, estrogen, or a same-sex romance is “politics,” then you’re kindof telling on yourself.

Back to playing AC: Shadows.